Pride

It’s Pride Month, and this post may be a controversial one to some. However, it shouldn’t be, because I shouldn’t have to be writing it. Before I continue I want to explicitly state that I am not generalising certain groups of people, although that is done to me regularly, I don’t do it back, because I like to think I’m more compassionate than that. So here we go.

I identify broadly as a gay man. There have been times when I’ve questioned if I’m gay and there have been times when I’ve questioned if I’m a man. There have also been times when I have had to conceal my sexuality to avoid judgement and aggression. For all the heterosexual people out there who take issue with pride: have you ever been verbally, physically or sexually assaulted just because you are heterosexual? Do you frequently fear you will lose your life because you are cisgender? The answer is probably no. Sadly I have been verbally assaulted because I am homosexual, I have been physically assaulted because I am homosexual, I have been sexually assaulted because I am homosexual and I have also been left out of social occasions, treated unfairly at work and not been given fair access to health care because I am homosexual. These are just some of the reasons why we “rub it in your faces” with pride – because our journeys are often not easy, and we have to be proud of who we are, because we’ve been through a lot more than most of you realise.

I had been waiting almost 2 years to see a psychiatrist, and I’d taken an hour long bus ride, alone, full of anxiety and years worth of pain and trauma to discuss. I had an hour long appointment, as stated in the letter, as I was told it was an assessment session. I walked into the doctor’s office, he was friendly enough, he had various Christian paraphernalia on his desk, and he asked me what was wrong. I started to cry. I started to talk. I was finally able to talk. About 5 minutes into the conversation I mentioned my male partner, and without any subtleties, he briskly ended the conversation and said he would review me in x amount of months. I didn’t understand why the session ended abruptly until I reflected on what I had said, but he couldn’t wait to get me out of that room as soon as I realised I was “one of them”. As a 22 year old with massive amounts of depression and anxiety I didn’t think to complain. I didn’t see him again, probably due to him handing me over to someone else, but I was glad of it. He was clearly homophobic, and (here’s the possible controversy) it was clearly linked to his religion or culture in some way.

Now I must stress that although I do not personally have a faith (why would I, when most of them tell me I am a sinner for just existing?) but I know plenty of people who do have a faith and are loving and caring to all regardless of their sexuality. I know gay people with various faiths. So I know for a fact that simply having a faith does not make someone a homophobic tosspot. However, I do believe that people can use that faith to “justify” their prejudiced beliefs, or someone has told them, whilst their mind was still developing, that homosexually is a sin and they’ve believed it. If you are an ally of a religion or faith, please challenge any homophobia that is blamed on religion, if of course it is safe to do so. But my concern is this – if you are prejudiced and judgemental, why work in health care? Why put yourself in a position where you will be the person who can make a decision to deprive someone of the care they need. Surely if anything is a true sin, it is that.

I once worked with a man, who I won’t name, but we’ll call him George (after George Michael, he’d hate that). George was a support worker, as was I. I was not out at work, I’ll explain why shortly. Another colleague, let’s call him Elton, was gay, out and proud (and also a practicing Christian, I must add). Elton shook George’s hand at the end of a shift, and after Elton left, George spat, ran to the sink, scrubbed his hands and started shouting about “catching the gay”. Nobody did anything. Nobody said anything. Managers were present and none of them seemed to care. George was very vocal about how Elton the sinner would be going to hell, but that was apparently acceptable. I made a point to shake George’s hand very tightly as I left that evening, thinking of all the gay germs he’d be covered in.

So why was nothing done? Why are George and the doctor allowed to treat LGBT people with such contempt and still be allowed to work in health and social care? I guess because the victims don’t speak out. I didn’t speak out about the psychiatrist because I was too depressed. I didn’t speak out about George because the manager had already seen him do it and didn’t seem to care. Prior to that, a manager at a different location had asked me if I had kids. I said no. She asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said no. Her next question was “you’re not gay, are you?” – as if it was some sort of issue. I said no. I didn’t feel I could tell her, because of her tone. I was worried I would lose my job. She then went on and told me it was a good thing because half the staff are homophobic. So I wasn’t out at work, which is why I was able to freely shake George’s hand without him projectile vomiting all over the service users.

So how do we, as people working in health and social care, stop this from happening? We get equality and diversity training, and we have massive movements like rainbow badges. Yet we still get doctors refusing to see transgender patients. We still get parents refusing to let their child be treated by a gay member of staff. We still get people who feel unable to “come out” to their colleagues for fear of how they will be treated. Yet we still also get people saying “what is all this fuss about pride, we don’t get all this for being normal?”. It doesn’t help that often people put themselves in positions of power to avoid consequences of their actions. For example someone who was a “freedom to speak up guardian” at one place of work had a reputation for coming on to younger and junior female colleagues. Yes they’ll definitely be comfortable speaking up now won’t they?

So am I proud for being gay? Not at all. It’s just who I am and I don’t feel like I deserve any special treatment just because of my sexuality. However I am very proud for having to deal with all this stuff I mentioned above (and much, much more) on a regular basis and still remaining a compassionate and caring person. Because people have treated me so badly, it would be so easy to just give back what I’ve received. I do want fair treatment, and that is why Pride is necessary, because we don’t get treated fairly.

#pride #lgbt #homophobia #pridemonth #mentalhealth #occupationaltherapy #occupationaltherapist #therapy #prejudice #discrimination #ot #depression #anxiety